Working on it

I am trying so hard. And at times it feels like it was all for nothing.
I miss my friends in So Cal. I miss heat, like dry heat, not this humidity crap. I miss Latin food, I miss Sinbad's. I miss a lot of stuff.
But strangely I have no desire to move back to LA. I think I just need a road trip out of Syracuse. Which is why I am looking forward to the weekend after graduation. I get to drive to Albuquerque, NM. My best friend Andrew is graduating. I miss him like crazy and I haven't seen him since our best friend Bethany's wedding day.
I am so incredibly proud of him. He moved to a whole new place and has managed to really transform his life. He is an inspiration to me. And I really love him. So far he is the only man in my life to never let me down. So Andrew if you are reading this, thank you!
But seriously, when I drove to Syracuse from San Dimas, it took five days and my mother and I drove it together. My car was weighted down with stuff. Hopefully driving to NM will only take me two days. Why am I driving? Because I am crazy? Well yeah kinda but mostly because it is way too much money to fly out there or take the train or the bus. So much cheaper to drive. So it shall be nice. Just me and the road and my iPod, which I hope my stereo has been fixed by then so I don't have to burn a bunch of CD's. According to Google maps it is 29 hours away. I am thinking that I would drive to about Missouri or OK and then stop for the night. I figure if I drive from 5AM the first day until like midnight. And then the next day for about 12 hours and I should be there.
All I know is I need to in ABQ by Thursday at 10pm so I can pick up someone from the airport. Should be fun...

My mother

My mother lives 3,000 miles away from me. I am 25 years old. I am almost 26 years old. I have not lived at home in almost 2 years. My mother still tells me what to do...this is so sad. She comes online and its 9pm her time so its midnight here. Are conversation literally goes as this:

12:13 AM Mom: GO TO BED!

me: mother

Mom: that's me

12:14 AM me: im 25!

Mom: yeah, so?

me: im 3,000 miles away

Mom: and your point is what?

me: your still telling me what to do...

if i moved to Europe, woulod that still happen

12:15 AM ?

Mom: you're is a contraction of you are. please spell it correctly

me: good lord

Mom: and yes, if I know you're awake when you are not supposed to be I will gell you to go to bed.

:-p

me: and 25

12:16 AM fine goodnight

Mom: love you <3<3<3

me: love you

Not only is she telling me to go to bed, but she is also correcting my grammar? I really do love that woman, but really...Yeah I complain about her telling me to go to bed but I know she worries about me. That woman really loves me. And sometimes it is nice to have her worry about me, but mom if you are reading this...I know when my bedtime is. Lots of love to you!!!

Most people I know...

Most people I know blog on a routine. Mine was supposed to be Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. However lately I have felt more and more like blogging. I also thought to share some more pictures on life in general.
Hopefully tomorrow when I go to work I will here the rats moving around and it will inspire me to write about something better.
This crazy kid is Nilo. He can sing!!! He is so good at it!
This is me and Nilo having a great time!
This is the gang that I went out with. Many that was a fun night!!!!
Irene and I were singing

Me and Irene singing No Doubt's "I'm just a girl" at least it was either that or an N'Sync song. Yes I know we are horrible....
This is Wasim taking pictures of everyone else, Irene in the background and some guy who I was staring at all night cause I thought he was hawt. I wonder why I didn't give him my phone number...Oh yeah cause I am a chicken..
So anyways. That was over a week ago...
On Friday I set out to go hiking and wound up lost in Pompey and then headed over to Skaneateles. That was fun. Somehow managed to find a back way from Skaneateles to Syracuse and then was in the Valley. I know, I know only me could do that. I was trying to find Guppy Falls. It turns out I wanted to go to this place that wasnt Guppy Falls and I had made a wrong turn off the freeway. Oh well it was still nice to see the countryside and I was nice and relaxed after I got back from my little drive. I was not able to go hiking yesterday mostly because it was raining all day. And while there are days that I like to hike in the rain, yesterday I preferred to stay indoors and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer all day. I know I am horrible. And I really don't care.
On Friday I went to the iSchool social and that was awesome...Except I already talked about it.
The part of Friday that I did not blog about is seeing Watchmen. Now I am not really a comic book person, but I freaking loved Watchmen. The gore was a little much for me to handle but this is a movie that is going on my bookshelf as soon as it comes out. And I actually might buy and read the graphic novel.
Now I am not usually a graphic novel person or comic books or anything like that. However it might be worth it.
Oh and for Erin who I know will eventually read this. I promise to get a list of my favorite books on here after graduation. Along with a list of books that I recommend and all that jazz. Peace out!

You would think...

That because I took my camera I would have a ton of pictures from the Spring Fling. Ha Ha...nope. I was busy socializing and kicking guys' butt in pool, thank Vinny, and in general flirting and having a great time. It was awesome.
I have only been to the Inn Complete once before and had no occasion to actually drink there, however this time I did and was pleasantly surprised by the prices. I was also surprised by the amount of entertainment there. It really makes me wish I would have gone there sooner in my grad school career. But oh well. I did have a ton of fun playing pool, having only one beer (I know I am kinda shocked too!), and in general laughing and having a great time. I really like this group of friends that I have here and it makes me sad to think that I am leaving.
I dont know where I am going, I dont know if I am going alone, all I know is wherever I can obtain a job, I am moving.
I really do love it here in CNY, but I am ready for a change. I really LOVE my job here at the mortuary school. Yes it did creep me out to see dead people, but now I realize they cant talk back to you and they dont get up and come after you like in the movies, so it is all good. That and I realized dead people not as bad as I thought. Now I can successfully see them being embalmed, afterwards or in any state, and I can go into the casket room and NOT be creeped out.
I guess that is the best way to get rid of certain fears, just keep having them thrown into your face until you are not afraid of them anymore? Who knows, but don't do that with spiders or snakes to me please. Thank you.
Ok. Time to go back to cataloging more books.

PS Yes I am librarian and I do like to read a lot of books. For a list of my favorite authors, among the many check out my profile, and you can also read a continous stream of well reviewed books here. This librarian reads more than anyone else I know. And for the most part her reviewed books are completely biased. Kinda nice sometimes you know?

I cant think of a title

I cant think of a title for my blog. I cant even think of anything to blog about. But the idea of writing here and NOT writing my paper is much better. I really do like school but I feel as though I am done. I would really like the piece of paper that says I know a lot about libraries. I know how that sounds but I cant help it.
Ok I do have something to talk about. Mostly because I put the computer down and went to sleep. Men are confusing. And thats all I am going to say.
So today the iSchool is having a Spring Fling. It is at the Inn Complete at South Campus. Should be a ton of fun.
And Syracuse University is in the top 16(?) for basketball... I wish I cared enough to know more about it. This city is all about SU. Kind of funny I guess. So I guess I will blog if we win the championship....
I promise pictures from after the Spring Fling.
TA Ta for now!

Always wishing for something different?

I was walking to school today thinking about the weather. I was wishing it was spring already. Wishing I could wear skirts and shorts and t-shirts without a jacket. Wishing I could kick back at the end of the day on my front porch drinking a couple beers with some friends. Wishing I could go running in the park with shorts on instead of sweats. And then I realized, I am always wishing for something else.
Do we all do that? I spent a good chunk of summer wishing it was time to "this" or time to do "that." In most cases I spent most of summer wishing it was winter so I would not have to be so darn hot all the time.
Today and for the past couple of weeks I have been wishing it would be hot again. So I sit here and I wonder, Are we always wishing for something else?
I used to think, as soon as I get out of So Cal things will be different. But I got out of So Cal and things, well of course they were different, I moved 2500 miles away! But they were not different the way I wanted them to be different. Then I realized if I wanted things to be different I had to change myself. So I have been working on that. A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!
I started going to therapy. I have been working on taking better care of myself, including exercise and much to the shock of my doctor actually eating. Ok that is a side story.
SOOOOOO I started on some new medication and for the first week I was nothing but nauseous. To the point where I was dry heaving one day, so of course I did not eat for the first week with the exception of a piece of toast in the morning.
Then the next week I just wasnt hungry ever. So while I did eat like a banana or something, I wasnt really eating. Well my appetite has finally returned however I have lost like 12 pounds and will try to lose more and keep it off.
So here is my question for everyone out there, are you always wishing for something different or are you happy with the way EVERYTHING in your life is right now?

Old Hiking Pictures

This one was taken at Rice Creek Field Station at SUNY Oswego in Oswego, NY. It was so muddy that day! It was about 50 degrees outside. Which I know doesnt seem warm, but when its been less than 20 for a couple of weeks it felt like a heat wave


This is what Pratts Falls looks like in the wintertime. Most of it has defrosted by now. Because it is almost spring. Did I mention I havent uploaded photos in about 2 months?

Weight Loss and life

I used to say that I did not have to worry about work clothes after graduation, because I have finally built up an extensive wardrobe, thank you Syracuse, NY. However I am on some new medication to help with some of the problems that I have been having and have now lost weight. Now I know I have been talking about losing weight for a while, ok years, but I never thought I would drop down past what I am now. In some aspects it is nice, in others not so much.
The nice aspect is because now I am starting to feel healthier, look better and in general my mood is much better. However the other aspect is not so nice.
The bad side is now a lot of my pants do not fit me. I realized this the other day with some black pants of mine that were loose when I bought them, but now I cannot even get them to stay on my waist. So they are going to GoodWill. Now I have this really cute pair of chocolate brown work pants. I LOVE them. They not only look really good on me, they are also incredibly comfortable to wear. So now they are too big. Falling off my behind big. Ho Hum. I really do not want to give these up, I might just have to find a dry cleaner that can take them in.
Is it sad that I have lived in this city for over a year and a half and still haven't found a dry cleaner to take my stuff too? Ha ha. I know. But I have barely found a place that does waxing, for my eyebrows, that is cheap and does a good job.
So I am graduating in less than 5 weeks. I am excited, except the rejection letters have started coming in now. Which makes me sad. A couple of the jobs I did not really want but applied for because I knew my mother would love it if I moved near her.
However I was really stressing over this one job, for the National Library of Medicine, I would get a fellowship and continue my studies in being a leader in the community. I did receive word yesterday that I did not get the job. I am really sad about it, but at the same time, I really did not get my hopes up. My essays were not as strong as they could be, and I most likely have not accomplished enough for them. Most of the award winners did not go to the best ALA schools, however they have accomplished quite a bit in their community and also in their jobs and schools. However I have not. And its ok. For a very long time my goal in life was to remain invisible. And on some aspects that has worked. However I am ready for a change and I want the whole world to know who I am now!!!!
Well with the exception of this blog. I am still not ready for being completely known in the community. I am on many social networking sites, but some things I still like to blog about without the entire world knowing everything.
Although the world can know that I am receiving a Master's of Science in Library and Information Science on May 9th of 2009. I am so excited to finally be done with one of my Master's.
Yes I did say only one. I am also working toward obtaining my Master's in Organizational Leadership from Azusa Pacific University. It is a relatively small Christian college about 30 miles northeast of Los Angeles. I obtained my Bachelor's of Arts in Social Science from there. I guess I should give more of a bio on me? I never really thought you could concentrate within that major but I have since realized that I did my concentration on the American West and Manifest Destiny in the 19th century. So in other words I do know a pretty big chunk on a little piece of history. It is also my dream, and I doubt it will come true, to obtain a PhD in myths and legends focusing in on Merlin from somewhere. Preferably Oxford but who knows. I highly doubt I will do the PhD. Mostly because I would like to not be a student forever, and it certainly feels as though I will be at this point in time.
I am currently looking for a full time library job anywhere in the world. Yes I did say anywhere in the world. Since I am currently single, and still very young I have plenty of time to travel and figure out where I want to live for a long period of time.
I have a tendency to like to wander and not settle. This may explain why I randomly take off at the weirdest times and go hiking in places people have not heard of. Yes I think its odd too. But thats ok because I a lot of really good friends who love me no matter what. I think that is all for now. I may tell you more about myself later. :) Have a good day!

Sleepy

Why oh why do I stay up late at night? I do not function well late at night. I do not always remember talking to people when I am up that late. So why oh why do I try? Funny thing about sleep right?

Library Lobby Day

So I am starting to feel bad that it has been so long since I have done a real blog and since I have never really blogged about Library Lobby Day.
Library Lobby Day, in NY, is a day that as many librarians as possible from across the state go to Albany, the state capital, and talk to the politicians in their region about the issues that are at hand. This year the recurring theme was the 18 million dollars that was being taken away from libraries. This is a devastating number. Without inflation costs factored in, it brings libraries back to funding levels from the 1980's. That really is not a good number.

So I went to talk to Al Stirpe, Joan Christensen and a couple others. Now I do need to point out that I have a love/hate relationship with this state. On one hand I feel very close to this state because I have grown so much since I have been here, both in leadership and spiritually. So because of this I feel very compelled to speak up for libraries and to be a voice in my community. However I have never claimed residency here and therefore I still find that I am very intimidated by everything and have a hard time speaking up.
However there was so many librarians that showed up for this event. It was so amazing. So wonderful to see so many of librarians in Albany defending something we all believe in.
We met in a large room and talked to some of the politicians. Many people were networking and just being able to see so many librarians was fantastic.

Then we were able to go meet with a number of senators, assemblymen and others.
Some only sent their aides, while others did not even show up for their appointment. I was very disappointed to see one of my local legislators walking away from his office right when our appointment was supposed to be happening.

While we were there with the Catholic day, which I do not entirely understand, it was still very nice. All in all a great day. We felt very successful and accomplished.

Books, books and more books??

So can you guess what my blog is about today? That's right! Books! I am continueing to catalog today. So much fun. I should have all the books cataloged by Saturday. Then I can tell all my students about the cool new reference books I have added to the catalog! Is it sad that I am happy to add all these books to the catalog? Nope not at all. You know why? Cause I am helping my students and nothing could be better than helping them. That is all.

What I hate

I hate nylons/pantyhose. Whatever you call them. I hate them. Yes hate is a strong word but lets face it. I hate them. I hate that I am on my second pair of pantyhose for the day and already have a run in them. GRRR.
I hate that I have to write things down otherwise I will forget them. I hate that about myself. I hate that I am still wearing my work clothes and I am not at work.
I kinda hate the fact that I am still single after all this time. However that could mean that I am really picky. Or it could mean that I just choose loser guys and figure it out about 3 weeks into it and then I dump them.
I hate that I have no motivation for school. Honestly I really hate that. I really enjoy school. I enjoy being a librarian. I enjoy my students at the mortuary school.
I hate when the students ask their teacher for resources for a vague assignment when I am standing right there and can successfully provide them with what they need.
I hate knowing a small piece of information and not the whole picture.
I hate not knowing if I am going to be ok.
I hate...................
Can you tell that I am one huge scared child?
I hate everything and it is because I am scared shitless.
I have never worked in the real world. Living with your mom while working full time does not equal the real world. more later...

I am a horrible blogger

I still have not blogged about Library Lobby Day. And today I am going to the St. Patty's day thing in downtown Syracuse. So maybe I will just make one huge blog tomorrow and do all the pictures and everything then...Sorry...

Soon I promise

So I promise to blog VERY soon about Library Lobby Day. Including pictures and everything. However I was laying in bed the other night thinking of ways that I could help my students, low cost of course, in all sorts of fields. And then I remembered what technologies I learned during my internship. I used wiki's. So of course I could do that!!!
So I have decided that in addition to doing everything else I have been trying to do, I am going to make up a wiki for the students to use. It will have everything on there that they need. And I can always add more when and if needed. I can put up links to great resources for their projects, for small businesses, for state standards in mortuary business, for state standards when it comes to passing the tests, for everything they could possibly need.
Wiki's are great. Because then I can allow the students to upload the different items they would like, and can add whenever needed. Then we can also put up courses for the school, maybe even a section for the students to do book exchange type thing. It would be so awesome! Wow I am really avoiding writing this paper....

Excited

Tomorrow is Library Lobby Day!!!! I am so excited! I cannot wait. Just as long as I can sleep and can get up in time!
Separately I have googled myself in the past. Today I google imaged myself. I am proud to say the only thing that comes up is my name on the affiliate member at CLRC. Yay! I am excited that nothing else comes up.
Ok sleep should come soon.
Peace.

I am far too amused by this.

I am far too amused by this product.


I found it by a blog that I follow called Big Stupid Tommy which I have NO idea how I found. I honestly do not know that much about the blogger, only that this clip makes me laugh far more than I should at the ripe old age of 25. Thought I should share that with you people. Peace!

A student outlook...

Yesterday I needed to take my roommate to the airport to pick up a rental car. As I was sitting there in the fire lane waiting for her, because we brought the dog, I received an interesting text message from one of my best friends. Now said best friend works for Wal-Mart, and while I do not support this, I do support him having a job. And in this shaky economy I am very glad he does have one. However said best friend has never had to live and work off of minimum wage. Now said friend is doing that. Granted he is able to live with his parents, but they still make him pay rent and do chores around the house. Back to the text message. "So I got paid yesterday. How the hell have you been able to pay rent on min wage and pay for food at target."
Last summer I lived and breathed minimum wage hell. I worked at Target full time, and gas was over 4 dollars a gallon and was subsisting on very little money. So I told him the truth, I paid my bills on time including my credit cards, and rent, but basically did not eat that much. Last summer 24 dollars was what I usually spent on food for two weeks. I was so poor. Now granted I did not have to pay for my car, insurance, or cell phone but I did have to pay for everything else.
Back to the moral of the story, I was really freaking poor. I find it hilarious because this friend of mine is a huge conservative, fiscally and politically. He does not support the raising of minimum wage and he would like lower taxes. Now I am not going into it all, but this guy has always told me people can live on a minimum wage job. I find it utterly ironic that he spouts this and now he really cannot survive on a minimum wage job. I love him to death, but honestly how the hell did he think I lived on minimum wage? Well I didn't really.
On to another topic I guess. I graduate in two months. I would have a countdown but in all honesty in requires too much work to remember to count. I know that in two months my mother and Bethany will be here and I get to show them around the place I have called home for the last two years.
I was driving to work today and I realized that I have lived here so long I am able to figure out what roads intersect and almost no matter where I am in the city, or the surrounding communities I can get myself home, without the GPS most days. This is not to say that I will be getting rid of the GPS anytime soon, however it is nice to know that I am finally getting a sense of direction in this place.
On another note, I am attending Library Lobby Day on Tuesday. I am SUPER excited about going. I get to go and bug the legislators about remembering to give the libraries and education money. Yes I know that everyone needs a piece of the money that is being handed out, but really we need it too. I am hoping o post some pictures of that and I promise to blog about it, like you could stop me, after the event.
I love reading other peoples blogs. It passes the time for me. It keeps me from doing my homework. I read friends, and people I do not know blogs. I read my best friend's SIL blogs, because honestly she just constantly cracks me up. I do not know how she has time to blog at least three times a week, but I am really glad she does. So hilarious. So Tiffany if you are reading this, its a shout out to you! You make my week better with your hilarious stories. Ok I guess I better head into work for the day.

To Therapy or Not to Therapy

So I have tried to keep this blog fairly upbeat and positive and not incredibly personal. It is personal but not to much. Any who...I wonder how personal a person gets on a blog. I know some of the blogs I read are incredibly anonymous to the ones where you can blatantly tell who it is. I guess I have decided to be fairly anonymous. People who read this can tell where I live and what school I go to, but I have tried to keep my name off of it. Simply for privacy sake, because there are many things I want to rant on here, but haven't quite gotten the guts to do.
But there is a topic that I would like to blog on. Mental health. It is just as important as eating healthy and exercising, physical health. However it is not something that many people pay attention to. Going to therapy. It is not seen as social normal and yet it is. I asked a friend about it before class the other day and he responded with the comment of he loves it. He would go twice a week if he could. I used to go. A long time ago. A lot has happened to me in the years since I went, but I also wonder what to tell them. Everything remains confidential when you go, but how much do you really tell someone.
In case you couldn't tell from the shift in language I am now in therapy. There are many things that I wouldn't say wrong with me, but things that I need to talk out. I started going today. I am working with a really nice guy. He doesn't make me feel uncomfortable which a lot of men do. He instead is nice and pretty easy to talk to.
On to another topic. It is halfway through the semester and I am starting to loose my momentum on the homework front. I really need to get a lot done. I have a paper due on Sunday that I have not even started it. I have a huge report due next Thursday, again haven't started it yet. I have a paper due tonight, that I am sure I will finish by tomorrow. I just canceled a meeting for tomorrow.
I keep getting this feeling to just up and take off somewhere, to move and start over again. The problem is where? I need a job before I move. I am not moving back to California, unless I get a job that I applied for out there. But there is just so much crap out there that I really do not want to deal with. It is really scary to just up and move but totally worth it.
Man I have just procrastinated the crap out of every day for a very long time. I just want to be done with school. I know I will not truly be done until after I finish my second master's however, it is at least one chapter of the book that I can close with the graduation with this degree. It means that I will be qualified to be a librarian. I am qualified.
I had my first reference question at work the other day, and I am not going to lie. The reference interview you learn about, totally had to go through it. It really does help. Maybe I should try doing it on myself before I start doing research for homework. That would be funny! Ok I really have to stop procrastinating and actually finish studying for this midterm. Yes that is right a midterm in grad school. Who knew.
Oh yeah to procrastinate a little further. I kept telling my mom that if I got a job in any place that had the same amount or more of snow that this place gets, I am going to give her back my car and buy a new one. Ha ha yeah right. I love my little car. I will just put snow tires on my car. Besides do I really want to have to worry about yet another bill every month? No. Ok. Now I really have to do homework.

Concert last night

Last night I went to a concert at the Westcott. It was awesome. Hoobastank played live. They were so good. I have heard in the past a lot of bands when they play live are just not that great. Hoobastank did not, they were so great! I loved it. Pictures will eventually follow on my picassa site, and facebook. And sure what the hey I could even post some on here. The major reason I am posting them on here first is cause its so freaking easy!


That is actually a pretty good pix. This is them on stage in the beginning.

I will most likely never understand moshing. But here is the mosh pit. I did manage to get beer spilled on me. Not as much as my friend did which is nice.
I did get some video of it all, but I cant figure out right now how to get it off my camera card.

Two of the friends I went to the concert with. Colleen and Jess.

And Archie and Dev also came along.
All in all it was a nice fun time. I really enjoyed going to the concert.
After the show the lead singer, Doug Robb, was a pretty cool guy. He was posing for pictures and signing autographs.
And yes I should have gotten a picture with him, but well I didnt want to waste his time and he is a real life celebrity, I just didnt know...idk. I am at a loss of words as to why I didnt get a picture. Cute young man tho.
Oh man but the after party....Man I was haning out with my friends at the Westcott for a while, and then we went over to Metro and finally came home.
Archie had told me orginally to text him and he will come pick me up for a party, oh man by the time I got home from the concert it was 1:30 in the morning. My ass should have been heading for bed, but no I went out.
I didnt go to bed until closer to 5am this morning. I think I am too old to be staying up that late. But hey thats what college is all about right? Well maybe not. LOL I promise to blog soon!